[Clock ticking]
- Hmmm.
- Do you have any fours?
- Daffy, we're playing chess.
- Ah.
Uh...
Was it colonel snow in the pantry with a candlestick?
- Do you even know how to play chess?
Of course I do.
[Gasps] Gin!
Sync and corrected by www.addic7ed.com
A WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
Season 1 Episode 13 "To Bowl or Not to Bowl"
Original air date: July 26, 2011 on Cartoon Network
Check.
- Look over there. - No.
Just look over there!
- If I turn around, you're gonna flip the board over and say it was an earthquake.
- No, I won't. I promise.
Just look over there... Please?
- [Sighs]
- Earthquake!
[Thud]
That was a big one.
Oh, I better get going.
I don't want to be late for my singing lesson.
- You go to that every Thursday night.
I've never heard you sing.
- ♪ La la la la la ♪
♪ lee lee lee lee lee ♪
♪ la la la la lee ♪
The acoustics in here are terrible.
[Door open and close]
[Car door open and close]
Let the fun begin!
- [Stammering] It-it's too bad Bugs can't ever come bowling with us.
- Yeah, but he's got those darn singing lessons.
- It's funny, I've n-never heard him sing.
[Music playing]
- Nice hairnet, Pam.
Really shows off that big forehead.
- He-hey!
I thought the gang could use some snacks.
Courtesy of yours truly.
- How thoughtful!
- [Stammer] Thanks, Daffy.
- I took a twenty out of your wallet.
- Daffy, you're the best.
- We couldn't ask for a more generous team captain.
- There's more where that came from.
There's more where that came from, right?
- Ohh.
- Ho ho! Guess what.
It's time for me to assign everyone their weekly nicknames.
- Ooh! This is my favorite part.
- Porky, your nickname tonight...
[Computer typing] - "The Porkinator."
[Beeps]
- Pete, your nickname...
[Computer typing] - "The Peteinator"
[Beeps]
- Oh, I like it!
- Uh, D-Daffy? - Hold on.
Marvin, your nickname--
- "The Marvinator"?
- Nope. The, uh, uh...
[Computer typing] OK, yeah, "The Marvinator."
[Beeps]
- Daffy?
- I said hold on, The Porkinator.
And finally, since I am the team captain,
My nickname will be
[Computer typing] - "The Grand Poobah."
Wait...
[Computer typing] - Make that "Poobah The Grand."
[Beeps]
- Porky, I changed my mind. You're player 4.
[Pins hit]
Now let's bowl!
All right, team.
Now, if we're gonna win the tournament this year,
We're gonna have to step up our game.
[Ball roll]
[Pins hit]
[Beeps]
- And that's how you do it!
- Hey! - Yes!
- Yeah! - Way to go, Daff!
- Yay!
- Well, if it isn't Daffy Duck.
Or should I say Daffy Dumb?
[Chuckles]
- Laugh now, Terry, because you'll be crying when we
wipe the floor with you at the tournament.
- I don't think so.
This is our year.
- Ha ha ha ha ha!
It's never your year, Terry.
You're up, Poo.
- [Grunting]
[Grunt]
[Ball rolling]
[Ball rolling backward]
- Good try, Poo.
- Daffy?
- Bugs?!
- What are you doing here?
I thought you had your singing lesson.
- Oh, uh, I graduated.
The teacher said I had the voice of an angel.
- B-Bugs?
I thought you had your singing lesson--
- What are you doing here?
- I was just sitting at home doing nothing, so I--
- What's going on?
- I told them both conflicting lies, and now it's all falling ap--
-[Stammers] Let me get this straight.
You're not taking singing l--
No.
Daffy told me he was taking singing les--
- So this whole time he said you were taking
singing lessons, you could have been bowling with u--
- Ha.
Somebody sing something.
- ♪ Ohh ♪
- Ha.
I love that song!
[Ball roll]
[All pins hit]
Yay, Bugs!
- All right, Bugs! Way to go!
- But you're gooder!
- Bugs, my office, now.
- Nice office.
- Well, I'm waiting.
- For what?
- Your apology.
- What? You lied to me.
Why would I apologize to you?
Don't you see?
I finally managed to cobble together a circle of friends
so pitiful that I'm the cool one,
and you're blowing it for me.
- Daffy.
- For some reason, people think you're smarter than me,
that you're more talented to me,
that you're better looking than me.
I personally don't see it.
But when I'm here hanging out with those nitwits,
I'm the winner.
I finally found a place where I feel good about myself,
and that place is right here.
[Toilet flushes]
- I just can't have those guys like you more than me!
- They don't like me more than you.
[Toilet door open] - [All] Bugs!
[Toilet door close]
- Ok, just tell them I had to go to my karate class.
- Wh-where's Bugs?
- He had to go to his modern dance class.
- [All] Aw.
- But I bought everyone nachos!
- [All] Yay!
- Here you go, Pork.
[Ball rolling]
[All pins hit]
- That guy's good.
- He's the newest member of my team.
[Ball roll] [All pins hit]
[Ball rolling] [All pins hitting]
What was that you said about it never being my year?
[Chuckles]
See you at the tournament.
- I've n-never seen bowling pins shatter like that.
- Now how are we going to win the tournament?
[Screeching]
- I'll tell you how.
We're gonna train harder than anyone has ever trained before.
This parking lot.
Tomorrow morning
7:00 A.M.
[Car door open and close]
Come on, Porky, drive me home.
- Hmph.
It's 11:30.
You said the training begins at 7:00 A.M.
- The training began at 7:00 A.M.
The first exercise:
Patience.
You two, great job.
Porky, you've got some catching up to do.
Plus, the bowling alley doesn't open till noon.
See you guys in a half hour!
[Gears grind]
- Bye! - See you later!
- The bowling ball.
The dictionary defines it as a ball used for bowling.
And that is why the dictionary is stupid.
Because to truly understand the bowling ball,
you need to become the bowling ball.
- Are you s-sure about this?
- Bowling balls don't talk.
- Whoa!
[Grunting and exclaiming]
[Strike]
- Strike!
- Ohh, nice!
- You can question my methods,
but you can't question my results.
Isn't that right, Porky?
[Siren in distance]
Porky, if you can hear me,
I never asked anything of you in my life...
- I-I can hear you.
- But in order to compete,
we need to have 4 people on the team.
- I-I said I can hear you.
- I heard you all the way down the hall.
- So I want to ask you this one tiny favor.
Get out of that bed,
remove your I.V.,
take the casts
off your arms and legs,
and bowl.
That's all I ask.
- Wh-why don't you just ask Bugs to take my place?
- Bugs is the best bowler here.
- Right on. Yeah, what a great idea!
- I'm jealous of Bugs,
but I hate Terry.
Jealousy or hatred?
It's like having to choose
one child over the other.
Hatred.
Surprisingly easy choice.
Bugs, you want to bowl?
- Sure.
- Yay! - Yay!
- Then let's win one
for Poo!
- Yeah! - Let's do it!
- You're not gonna need your wallet.
You're in the hospital.
[Music playing]
- ♪ Yellow bird. ♪
♪ Up high in banana tree. ♪
♪ Yellow bird. ♪
♪ You sit all alone like me. ♪
♪ Did your lady friend leave the nest again? ♪
♪ This is very sad, make me feel so bad. ♪
♪ You can fly away, in the sky away. ♪
♪ You're more lucky than me ♪
♪ I also had a pretty man. ♪
♪ She not with me today. ♪
♪ They all the same, the pretty men. ♪
♪ Make them the nest, then they fly away ♪
♪ Yellow bird ♪ - Yellow bird!
- ♪ Up high in banana tree; ♪ - [Screaming]
- ♪ Yellow bird ♪ - Yellow bird!
♪ You sit all alone like me ♪
♪ Can't you fly away, in the sky away? ♪
♪ Picker coming soon, pick from night to noon. ♪
♪ Black and yellow, you, like banana, too. ♪
♪ They might pick you someday. ♪
♪ I wish that I was yellow bird. ♪
♪ I'd fly away with you. ♪
♪ But I am not a yellow bird. ♪
♪ So here I sit, nothing else to do. ♪
♪ Yellow bird. ♪ - Yellow bird!
♪ Up in banana tree. ♪
♪ Yellow bird ♪ - Yellow bird!
♪ You sit all alone like me. ♪
♪ Did your lady friend leave the nest again? ♪
♪ That is very sad, make me feel so bad. ♪
♪ You can fly away, in the sky away. ♪
♪ You're more lucky, more lucky than me. ♪
- Oh, what a scene it is at the annual
Royal Oaks Lennox Oakwood Lanes bowling tournament.
I'm positively a-twitter!
- Ooh, I thought you were positively a gopher.
[Laughing]
- On lane 1. We have the Silver Foxes, led by their team captain Granny.
- On lane 2. We have the Lucky Strikers, led by their team captain Terry Delgado.
- And on lane 3. We have Daffy's Ducks, led by their team captain Daffy Duck.
- Sweaty hands you got there, Daffy.
Are you nervous?
- No, I just happen to sweat more than the average person.
- Well, you're shaking.
You must be scared.
- Nope, potassium deficiency.
- Well, then how come you can't look at me straight on?
You intimidated?
[Eye turning]
- Lazy eye.
- And here we go! Whoo!
[Cheers applause]
- Our first bowler of the night is Granny.
She's getting ready.
She's taking her time.
Just...
Really taking her time.
- This is going to be a long night.
[Music playing]
- ♪ Pressure's on, time to shine ♪
♪ Challenge made, stars align ♪
♪ Victory is in the air tonight ♪
♪ Like knights of old, the battle's set ♪
♪ It's destiny, this vision quest ♪
♪ Victory is in your grasp tonight ♪
♪ Soaring like an eagle ♪
♪ Over crashing waves of guts and glory ♪
♪ From the mist a hero ♪
♪ Like a legend from some mythic story ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Let's bowl ♪
[Strike]
[Cheers and applause]
- What an exciting tournament.
- Two teams neck and neck at the finish.
- The Lucky Strikers lead by one...
- But Bugs Bunny has one more left, and if he can knock over just 2 pins...
- Then Daffy's Ducks win the tournament.
- Ooh, we've got this tournament in the bag!
- We should call ourselves Bugs's Ducks!
[Whimpers]
- Whoa! Ow!
[All gasping]
- Are you OK?
Wh-what happened?
- I twisted my ankle.
I'm not gonna be able to bowl.
- Then how are we gonna win the tournament?
- You'll have to bowl for me.
After all, it's not Bugs's Ducks, it's Daffy's Ducks.
- [Gasps] You're faking.
[Wink]
You are faking, right?
- Yes, I'm faking.
Now go win the tournament!
2 pins.
That's all we need.
[Ball roll]
[Guter]
[Sighs and groans]
- Ha ha! Oh, yeah!
This is the year!
Ha ha!
On you, Daffy!
Ha ha! Oh, yeah!
Oh, we're great! We're great!
- Hold on. Do hold on.
I'm getting word that there's been a technical error.
Apparently the pins were not fully set before the player released the ball.
- League rules clearly state that any technical error results in an automatic redo.
[Crowd gasps]
- That means we have a second chance to win!
You hear that, Terry?
I won't let you guys down.
- Um, maybe we should let Bugs bowl.
- Yeah, I'm feeling much better.
- Wait. I have to do it.
I need to win the tournament for the team...
And for myself.
- Are you sure?
- It's 2 pins.
I usually hit 4 to 5 pins.
- Then go out there and hit 4 to 5 pins!
Or at least 2.
[Ball roll]
[Guter]
- The Lucky Strikers win the tournament!
Ohh.
Aww.
Ha ha ha! Yeah!
We're great! You're not!
We're great! Oh, yeah!
What a feeling!
[Lights clicking]
[Giggles]
[Light clicks]
[Whoosh]
[Laughter and music]
[Engine revving]
[Fire roaring]
Meep meep! [Whoosh]
[Honking]
[Laughter and shouting]
[Crash] [Tires squeal]
[Ding]
[Thud]
[Ding]
[Sand roaring]
[Ding]
[Honking]
[Ding]
[Thud]
[Ding]
[Clanking]
[Boom]
[Ding] [Crash]
[Dings]
[Whoosh]
[Tires squealing]
[Whoosh]
[Hollering]
[Punching sounds]
[Ball rolling]
What is going on?
This is ridiculous.
- So when do you get back on your feet, Porky?
- The doctor says with enough physical therapy,
I'll be able to bowl in no time.
- Just needed my lucky ball!
- Aah!
I'm--I'm not a ball!
[Crash]
- Strike!
Sync and corrected by www.addic7ed.com
A WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
- let's see what's for breakfast.
Mmm. What have we here?
Yecch!
Does he have to put carrots in everything?
- What are you doing? - Aah!
- Nyah. That wasn't an overreaction.
Sync by www.addic7ed.com
- You know, that pie was for tonight's dinner party.
- What dinner party? - You're kidding.
- What? - Uh, the dinner party we're having
So you can apologize to all of our neighbors?
- What do I have to apologize for?
- How about for what you did on the fourth of July?
Happy fourth of July!
["1812 overture" playing]
Hey, freedom isn't free.
- And for what you did on easter.
Happy easter!
["1812 overture" playing]
What the--
Aah!
- I don't know what the big deal was.
They were cage-free eggs.
- And for what you did on columbus day.
- Happy columbus day! [squeaking]
["1812 overture" playing]
What? The rats represented
The "niña," the "pinta," and the "santa maría."
If they didn't get it, that's their problem.
Besides, what do you care if the neighbors hate me?
- I care because this is my house,
And one of these days,
One of the neighbors is going to file a lawsuit against me
For something that you did.
Relax.
It's not like I'm going to live here forever.
If you're so worried about getting sued,
I'll apologize.
But come on.
Have a little faith in our neighbors.
Ahh.
[gasps] my newspaper!
It's been...Stolen!
Daffy. Daffy!
What are we doing this for?
- I don't know. - Let's see.
I came out here to get my newspaper.
It wasn't there.
And then, I realized...
[gasps]
Someone stole my newspaper.
- What are you so upset about?
I've never even seen you read the paper.
I don't read it.
I do what normal people do with it--
Day by day, slowly build a papier-möché parade float.
What parade are you in?
- I'm not in a parade. I am the parade.
- What did your parents do to you?
Bugsy, old pal,
There's a thief among us.
- You just told me to have faith in our neighbors,
And now, you're insinuating that one of them stole your paper?
- I'm not insinuating anything.
I am simply implying, in an unscrupulous and cowardly way,
That one of our neighbors is a thief.
- You're crazy. - Am I?
- Yes. - Am I?
Yes.
- Daffy, no one stole your newspaper.
Where are you going?
- I'm letting everyone know what time the dinner party is.
Oh! I'll come with you.
- Daffy, you're not going to accuse the neighbors.
- No. I just want to get some fresh air.
What did you think,
I was going to start throwing accusations around?
Ha! Silly you. Give me a little more credit than that.
- Oh! [giggles] hello.
- Knock off the pleasantries, grandma.
I know you stole my newspaper.
- I'd ask you to forgive my friend,
But we'll be doing a lot of that at the dinner party tonight,
Which, by the way, is at 8:00. See you then.
- I know you stole my newspaper.
Your suesaper?
My newspaper.
What is a shoe-shaper?
[dog barking]
[chain rattles and door opens]
- What do you want, rabbit?
- Just wanted to remind you about tonight's dinner party.
- You mean the "let's all forget about
The horrible things daffy duck has done" party?
Yeah, I'll be there,
Unless I get a better offer.
- I've got an offer for you. Give me back my paper.
- Yosemite sam's a lot of things--
A liar, a cheat, a false witness, a sore loser,
A bad friend, a shady businessman,
A blamer, a flim-flammer, a hornswaggler,
I'm cheap, and I steals things.
But I am no thief.
Now, good day, sirs.
What time's dinner?
8:00 sharp.
Go home. - Fine.
- Now. - I'm going.
What?
I want to watch you go home.
[chuckles]
You have some serious trust issues.
You should get help, man.
[crow caws]
- Oh! Uh, were you about to, uh, go somewhere?
- What? You mean the broom?
No. I'm cleaning my house.
I drive a minivan.
- I'm sneaking around a witch's house, alone,
Looking for a newspaper.
What am I doing? [wolf howls]
Take a deep breath.
[inhales and exhales]
It's just a house--a normal, everyday witch's house.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
[screams]
- So I'll see you at 8:00? I'm making carrot pie.
- Pie? Don't you mean carrot cake?
[screaming]
[car door shuts] [engine revs]
[crashes] [tires squeal]
[crashes] [cat screeches]
[clatters]
[engine revs]
[car alarm beeping]
- Mm. Mm. Mm. That duck's apology list is getting long.
[birds chirping]
- So after all that, I still don't know
Which neighbor stole my newspaper.
Interesting.
I have one question.
[stammering] why don't you just get another paper?
It's the principle.
I hold myself to an extremely high moral standard.
I treat people and their things with respect,
And I place the virtue of trust above all else.
No, you don't.
- Well, I expect it from others.
Come on. You're the only one
Who can help me solve the mystery.
Don't tell bugs, but you're my smartest friend.
A mystery, huh?
You know, the key to a good mystery is the ending.
And 9 out of 10 mystery novels end the same way.
- With a semi-flattering photo of the author?
- They end with all the suspects gathered under one roof.
What they think is an innocent dinner party
Is, in fact, an elaborate trap.
- Wait! We're having a dinner party for the neighbors tonight.
That's perfect!
- Yeah! At tonight's dinner party,
I can invite everyone to another dinner party
Where I can spring my elaborate trap!
[sighs]
Or you could just spring your elaborate trap
At tonight's dinner party.
- Great idea. I'm glad I thought of it.
Hmm. Maybe I'm my smartest friend.
- [tasmanian devil shouting and spitting]
- ♪ oh, there's a rumble in the back yard ♪
♪ it's a shakin', twistin' cloud ♪
♪ seems someone's pet is getting way upset ♪
[indistinct] ♪ something awful loud ♪
♪ he just swallowed up his dog house ♪
♪ knocked the barbecue into space ♪
♪ and he sucked up bugs' swimming pool ♪
♪ spit out a tidal wave ♪
♪ tasmanian meltdown comin' ♪
[snarls]
- ♪ there's a meltdown coming' ♪
[snarls and sputters]
- ♪ well, you better start a-runnin' ♪
♪ when the ground starts hummin' ♪
♪ there's a meltdown comin' ♪
- [screams] - [snarls]
- ♪ I don't know what sets him off ♪
- I don't know. [doorbell rings]
- ♪ is he upset about a girl? ♪
No!
- ♪ it's anyone's guess 'cause he's not the best ♪
♪ communicator in the world ♪
Don't judge me.
- ♪ we'd love to get him settled down ♪
♪ but he just scratched through the wall ♪
♪ he got the police chasing after him ♪
♪ 'cause he's headed for the mall ♪
♪ tasmanian meltdown comin' ♪
[screaming] - [snarling]
♪ like a hurricane comin' ♪
[indistinct melodic shouting]
[cheering]
Haha! Whoa.
[laughs and blows raspberry]
- I can't believe I have to make another pie.
What are you doing?
You're supposed to be getting ready for the dinner party.
- Oh. I'm ready for the dinner party, all right.
- What does that mean? - Nothing.
Did you set the table?
- Ohh, I set more than the table.
- What does that mean? - Nothing.
- Did you keep the table simple?
It shouldn't look too elaborate.
- Ohh, the table's not going to be the thing that's elaborate.
[chuckles]
What's wrong with you?
- Nothing. [doorbell rings]
Welcome, suspects.
I mean, neighbors.
[laughing maniacally]
I guess no one's ever heard of maniacal laughter.
I guess no one's ever heard of bringing a gift, either.
- I just want to thank everybody for coming
To daffy's apology party.
I hope that after tonight,
We can all agree to let bygones be bygones.
[bell dings] Oh! And I've got a carrot pie in the oven,
So save room.
Carrot pie?
- Oh, I hope it's ok that I brought my son.
- It's so hard to get a sitter these days.
- Please, let there be other women coming to this thing.
[feedback]
- [distorted voice] greetings, everybody.
As neighbors, you think you know each other well.
But what you don't know is that one of you...
Is a thief!
[metal rumbling]
[imitating wind blowing]
- Ooh. This is one of those fun mystery dinner parties.
Let us begin.
Everyone, pick up your plates.
Uh, scary voice?
My son doesn't have a plate.
[feedback]
Hold on.
Here.
Thank you.
Where's the bathroom?
Just hold it.
[distorted voice] now,
Under your plates, you'll find a number.
- Ain't no numbers on these things.
What?
Now, one of you has a plate with the number 5 on it.
Who has the number 5?
- I do. - So do I.
How'd that happen?
There. Now you have a 3.
I have a 3.
[groans]
[laughs]
What a fun party.
Everyone getting along?
[laughs] oh, yes!
The voice is having us do lots of things.
That's nice.
- I, uh, think I smell burning carrots.
Oh! My pie!
- Quick, what number do you have again?
[stammers] 5.
Ok. You two switch plates.
Now, what number do you have?
- 5. - Gasps]
Open your eyes, grandma. It's clearly a 3.
You're a 3. - I'm a 3.
Why are you 3?
I have no idea.
Do you want me to be a 3?
Yes. Thank you.
Finally, someone is cooperating.
[inhales and exhales]
Now, who has the number 3?
[gasps] - I'm hungry.
Can we eat first, and then play the game?
- It's not a game, it's a trap--
An elaborate trap designed to extract a confession
From one of you dirty thieves!
And then, we'll have an apology party, all right,
But the apologies are going to be to me.
Now, one of you stole my newspaper. Confess!
[all gasp] - really?
You're really going there?
Yeah. I'm going there.
Where is he going?
Because if you go there,
I will go there.
And you do not want to be there when I get there.
Because when I get there,
I will be so there
That you will wish you had stayed right here.
Me? What about you?
You don't care about your neighbors.
You're just scared one of them is going to sue you.
- [chuckles] you're crazy.
I'm crazy?
You're the one who made carrot pie.
I mean, carrot pie?
Ever heard of carrot cake?
That's an actual dessert made with carrots.
And do you make it? No! You make carrot pie--
A thing no one eats!
Mmm. Mmm!
Mmm.
Mm! Mmm.
[grunting and chewing]
- This party blows. I'm going home.
- Well, I'm not going anywhere until I get an apology
For everything this fool has gone.
I mean, turning a bunch of rats loose on columbus day.
Who does that?
- The same jackanapes who durn near burn my house down.
And by the way,
You don't go accusing your neighbors
Of stealing something without any evidence,
Especially something as dumb as a newspaper.
I mean, come on. Read the internet.
- For the last time, I don't read it!
Hasn't anyone seen my parade float?
- You heard the witch-- uh, I mean, lady.
You owes us all an apology.
- Well? Say you're sorry.
Uhh...
You can't say it, can you?
I can say it.
Uh...[mutters]
Then say it.
I'm solly.
- Did you just say you're solly?
I'm soggy.
You're soggy?
I'm sarming.
- You're the worst neighbor I ever met.
And I should know. Before I met you,
I was the worst neighbor I ever met.
- Ehh. It's still a close call.
- You're the biggest monster in this neighborhood.
- That's saying a lot. He's an actual monster.
- The stunts you have pulled in this neighborhood--
Ooh! Consarned you!
Goldarned ruined... - Too many to even count!
This here neighborhood!
- I don't know who you think you are!
Let me tell you something-- - what is wrong with you?
[whistles]
I have something to say.
I like him.
My life is so boring,
But tonight was the most fun I've had in years,
And it's all thanks to him.
Ohh, well, you've got to admit,
Our street got a lot more interesting when he moved in.
Huh. That is true.
It was certainly the most memorable columbus day I ever had.
- I've been meaning to ask you.
Did the rats symbolize the colonization of the new world
By comparing the arrival of the europeans
To an infestation of vermin?
- I didn't follow any of that.
[laughs]
What? I'm serious.
I didn't understand anything you just said.
[laughter]
So let me get this straight--
No one wants to sue me?
Sue you? Come on, now.
Have a little faith in your neighbors.
That's what I said!
- [groans] - are we ever going to eat?
Why not?
- I have something I'd like to say.
Which one of you stole my newspaper?
I'll drink to that.
[laughter]
[indistinct talking and laughter]
Beep beep!
[clangs]
[squeaks]
[hisses]
[whirring]
[beeps and buzzing]
[rapid buzzing]
[explosion]
Beep beep!
[crashes]
No newspaper, huh?
Just the mail.
Bill. Junk mail. Weird charity.
[laughs] how many renewal notices
Is that stupid newspaper going to send me?
[gasps]
No one stole my newspaper!
I forgot to renew my subscription.
Ironic. Done in by his own creation.
[rumbling]
[horn beeps]
- Ooh. Forgot to set my parking brake.
[Loud snoring]
[Snoring continues]
[Beeps]
[Snoring] [Door open]
Hey, wake up.
[Snores]
Come on. You're snoring. Wake up.
[Snores]
Daffy, wake up!
[Snores] - All right, fine.
[Snoring continues]
[Sighs]
Do you need to sigh so loudly? I'm trying to sleep!
[Snores]
Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com.
A WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
[Birds chirping] Seasonl Episode 15 "Bugs & Daffy Get a Job"
[Chewing] Original Air Date: August 30, 2011 on Cartoon Network.
You look terrible. You should get more sleep.
[Chews]
More sleep? I can't get any sleep because of your snoring.
What? I've tried everything...
Breathing strips, mouth guards, eye patches, jock straps...
...self tanner, canker sore cream, and I still snore.
Really? Canker sore cream didn't work.
What's the big deal? I snore. You brush your teeth.
We all have our little quirks.
Daffy, you gotta see someone about your snoring.
It's a problem.
Not a problem for me. I sleep great.
Well, it's a problem for me.
And I know just how to fix it... Permanently.
How is standing on the ledge of a high-rise building gonna fix my snoring?
Oh, right, snoring.
[Dings]
- What's this doctor's name again? - Dr. Weisberg.
Weisberg... What is that, Irish?
[Scoffs]
Hey, that's Porky's office, Murphy and associates.
Murphy... What is that, Jewish?
- What are you doing? - Recipes.
- You don't cook. - Well, I don't have the time.
But "7-Minute Meals", it's perfect for busy moms like me.
Ohhkay.
I'm gonna go visit Porky.
Fine, more salmon balls for me.
This is taking forever.
- Where's the bathroom? - Right down the hall.
Oh, you need a key.
A key? To go to the bathroom?
What? You don't trust me?
You think I'm gonna steal your toilet?
Hmph. What happened to this country?
BUGS [IN DEEP VOICE]: Porky, can I see you in my office?
What'd I do?
[Laughing]
Bugs? What are you doing here?
[IN NORMAL VOICE]: I was gonna push Daffy off the roof.
Wow, look at you. You got your own cubicle!
A computer...
Uh, p-please don't.
A phone...
[Imitating Porky's stammer] Th-this is Porky Pig.
[Gasps]
Pencil sharpener...
[Gasps]
Tape dispenser...
[Stammers]
What a fun job. You must love working here.
If by love, you mean hate sitting in this soul-sucking cave...
...counting every minute until the weekend...
...and then dreading every minute until Monday...
...then yes, I love working here.
Spittin' image.
Oh, uh. Who works there?
No one. It's empty.
Mmhmm.
DAFFY: My point is if someone wanna steal a toilet...
...they're gonna steal a toilet.
Let's just agree to disagree, OK?
I don't agree to that.
All right. Looks like you've got a deviated septum.
There is nothing wrong with my septum! What's a septum?
It's what separates the right and the left side of the nose.
Yours is too far to the right, which is causing your snoring.
Can you fix it?
Easily. It's a piece of cake. A very simple procedure.
And, if you'd like, while I'm at it...
...I could smooth out that bump in your beak.
I don't have a bump in my beak.
[Gasping]
I'm hideous!
Where'd you get that?
Why didn't you tell me I have a bump on my beak?!
I never noticed a bump.
Do not patronize me!
If there is something wrong with me that I don't know about...
...then you owe it to me as my best friend to tell me!
All right. You're a narcissist. You're a sociopath.
You're probably a psychopath.
You're a...
[Ding]
You're paranoid, sexist, and you make fun of the elderly.
Those are just quirks! Endearing quirks!
I'm talking about something important, my appearance.
And if you won't be honest with me, then I'll find someone who will.
Here, take this home for me. It's a really good toilet.
Did you want these in color or black and white?
- Aah! - Do I have a bump on my beak?
Oh, yeah, it's huge. First thing I ever noticed about you.
[Gasps]
I can't have a bump on my beak!
I can't have an imperfection! I allow no imperfections!
What are you talking about? You're nothing but imperfections.
Name a perfection.
What are you looking at?
[Gasps]
It's my bump, isn't it? Don't look at me. I'm a monster!
[Screaming]
Oops, sorry.
Didn't mean to bump into you.
Oh!
Aah!
It's OK. It's just a bump in the road.
Oh!
Aah!
[Screaming]
Careful, that sidewalk's pretty bumpy.
Oh!
- * Bump, bump, bump, bump * - [Screaming]
♪ Bump, bump, bump ♪
- Bump. - Bump.
[Screaming]
No! No!
Doh!
Hey, man, you got a big bump on your beak.
[Screaming]
[Horn honks, tires squeal]
Murphy and associates. Please hold. Thank you for your holding...
[Computer beeps]
[Sighs]
What's up... Doc?
Bugs? Why are you here?
I don't know. Maybe because I work here.
But you're not an accountant.
Nope, but evidently I have great people skills.
So what are you working on?
The Papadopoulos returns.
It's the most complex tedious tax return...
...and I get stuck with it every year.
Well, what are you waiting for?
Those taxes aren't gonna return themselves.
[Upbeat music playing]
♪ Return those taxes, return those taxes ♪
♪ Return 'em, return 'em ♪
♪ Return those taxes, report that income ♪
♪ Find those deductions, itemize those expenses ♪
I wanna look like this.
This is a recipe for salmon balls.
Gimme that! I haven't had time to make those.
7 minutes. They're out of their minds.
I wanna look like this.
First of all, that's a woman.
Second of all, that's a nose.
You have a beak.
You know, your bedside manner could use some work.
Smaller.
Anything smaller would be too drastic a change.
The drasticer, the better.
Heh heh heh heh.
Hmm.
When do you wanna have it turn?
Now!
Sorry, you have a very slappable face.
Porky's gonna love these.
Hey, I didn't hear you snore last night.
I guess the procedure was a success.
It'll be a success when these bandages come off...
...and I show the world the new me.
Soon I will be on the outside what I've always been on the inside...
perfect, like a diamond, or a pearl...
...or a pearl with a diamond inside.
And now the pearl outside is being replaced by diamond...
...so that there is diamond on the inside...
...and now finally a matching diamond on the outside.
Well, all I care about is the not snoring.
I'm off to work!
Work? I don't remember Bugs having a job.
Has he always had a job? I wonder what he does.
I bet he's a dentist.
[Laughing]
Lame!
Got any rubber bands?
Thanks.
Scissors?
Thanks.
Tape?
Thanks.
Pencils?
Thanks.
I only needed the erasers.
Hey, Pork, you got a second?
Bugs, I'm trying to work.
BUGS [High-pitched voice]: Ha ha! Hi, my name's Diane.
I'm Mr. Bunny's new secretary.
Oh, can I get you a cup of coffee?
Stop it! You're hurting me.
- Aah! - Bugs, quit it.
What? I'm just having fun.
You're not supposed to be having fun.
You're supposed to be working.
- Why can't I do both? - Huh?
Porky, the average person spends a third of their life at work.
Why would you want to waste a third of your life being miserable?
Are you saying I should quit?
No! I'm saying that you need to make work fun!
I don't know, Bugs.
[High-pitched voice] Well, I think it's a great idea.
[Both laughing]
Are you ready to see the new you?
My middle name is ready. Actually it's Shelton.
I tried going with Armando for a while, but it never caught on...
...probably because your middle name doesn't come up in conversation very much.
I tried working it in, but...
- [Gasps] - Holy...
DAFFY: What is it?
How do I look?
[Gasping]
[Sobbing]
I'm gorgeous!
Ggot any paper clips? I used all mine.
Thanks.
Is that a chandelier made of paper clips?
You were right, Bugs. Work can be fun.
[Male voices vocalizing]
[Laughing]
[Daffy whistling]
[Gasps]
DAFFY: Hello, world. I'm about to make you a whole lot prettier.
[Whistling]
[Baby cooing]
DAFFY: Hello, little baby.
[Crying]
Oh!
[Cell phone beeping]
DAFFY: Tina, it's Daffy. Meet me at the sunset room in an hour.
And look good. I do.
[Whistling]
I'm looking for my boyfriend. He's a little black duck.
A duck?
[Chuckles]
Well, I wasn't sure what that was.
We put him in the way back.
Kinda fancy for lunch. What's the occasion?
I'm the occasion.
What happened to you?!
I got a beak job. Look, no bump.
You messed up your whole face just to get rid of a stupid bump?
You look crazy!
If I look so crazy, how come everyone's staring at me?
Because you look crazy. Daffy, I liked your old beak.
But my old beak had an imperfection.
And when it comes to my appearance...
...there can be no imperfections.
Well, it looks like a dog ate your face.
I liked your bump. I like all your imperfections.
Well, not all of them.
Your imperfections are what make you you, and I like you.
Oh, I get it. You're jealous because I have this perfect little beak...
...and you have that giant nightmare.
[Punch] [Thud]
[Daffy groans]
Call Dr. Weisberg!
PORKY: Come to the conference room...
...and bring the paper airplane.
I give you m-Murphy and Associates International P-paper Airport!
And you are cleared for landing.
Porky, how long did this take you?
Heh heh! Hours.
It's all I've been doing since lunch.
Pretty fun. Ha!
I know I said to make work fun, but you still gotta do your work.
What about The Papadopoulos Returns?
Tthe Papadopoulos Returns!
Wow, paper baggage handlers.
Mr. Murphy.
- What is this? - It's a paper airport.
Have you seen Porky? I need The Papadopoulos Returns.
[Stammering] This just in. All flights have been grounded...
Due to snow!
Yippee! Ha ha! [Crazied laughter]
Ho ho! Jingle bells! Ha ha!
You're fired.
[High-pitched voice] Oh! Am I fired, too?
DR. WESIBERG: Lucky for you, I saved your old beak.
Lucky?! It still has the bump!
And is it a little crooked?
Eh, good enough.
- Sorry about that, Porky. - Don't be sorry.
You've shown me that life's too short to have a job I don't enjoy.
Huh. That's great.
You've shown me that I can do anything.
I can get any job I want.
Well, I didn't say that.
You've shown me that as long as I'm having fun,
I can be anything I wannabe.
I can be President of The United States.
Porky.
Porky Pig is going to be President of The U-United States.
- That's nice. DAFFY: What are you guys doing here?
We used to work here.
You're a dentist, too?!
[Laughs]
Lame!
[Ding]
[Screaming]
What? All I said was I never noticed the bump on his b-beak before.
[Slurps]
Beep Beep!
I'm j-just so excited about this new chapter in my life.
Work should be fun. Life should be fun.
M-more tea, Diane?
Do you take cream or sugar?
Diane? Do you take cream or sugar?
Diane?
Diane? Cream or sugar?
Diane? Diane?
Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com.
A WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
On the final notes: Kids don't forget to eat your broccoli.
It good for you.
[Buzzing]
TINA: Be right there.
Well, that was a lie.
[Buzzing]
TINA: One second! - One.
[Buzzing]
TINA: I said I'm coming!
What happened to this country? No one hustles anymore.
That's why Canada's killing us these days.
[Buzzing]
[Door open]
[Baby squeals]
[Gasps]
You have a baby?!
I knew it! I knew you were lying to me!
I thought I knew you. I thought you were my girlfriend.
I let myself be vulnerable to you. I trusted you.
Well, not anymore. Do you hear that?
That's the sound of my walls going back up.
Lose my number...
...because you are dead to me.
D E D. Dead.
It's not my kid. It's my sister's. I'm babysitting.
- She's adorable. - He's a boy.
Looks like a girl.
Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com.
A WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
- You wanna grab some lunch? - Great. I'm starving.
- Porky's coming. - Uh, no thanks.
You just said you were starving.
- Changes the dynamic. - What dynamic?
- I already ate. - No, you didn't.
Porky's a bummer.
You're a bummer!
No. I'm not a bummer. I'm a jerk.
[Clicks tongue]
[Sighs]
[Rock music playing] [Horn honks]
- What are you doing after lunch? - Nothing.
- You wanna do something fun? - Great.
- What'd you have in mind? - Go buy some ink.
- Ink? - For my printer.
[Laughs] Fun, right?
Turns out the jerk was right about the bummer.
- Huh? - You guys all set to order?
I'll have a club sandwich.
Yeah. I'll have one of those, too.
Can I start you off with some refreshing iced tea?
- Water's fine. - I'll have some refreshing iced tea.
It's sound refreshing.
Did you wanna start with an appetizer? Some ooey-gooey nachos?
Or maybe our famous spinach artichoke poppers?
Nah. Just the sandwich.
They're really good.
I'll get the spinach artichoke poppers.
Great choice.
- Unbelievable. - What?
- Don't you see what just happened? - What?
Cute waitress... Bubbly personality... Ooey-gooey?
- It was a classic upsale. - Huh?
Upsale. It's when someone gets you...
...to buy something you didn't even want in the first place.
Wow. You're right. I don't even like spinach...
...or artichoke.
- Can I get you anything else? - No. We're good.
Are you sure? We have a chocolate lava cake for dessert.
It's really good!
- Well, then I have to get it! - Great!
And maybe some of those ooey-gooey nachos!
[TV playing in background]
[Doorbell rings]
I'll be right there.
[Doorbell ringing]
One second!
[Doorbell ringing rapidly]
What happened to this country? No one takes the time to relax anymore.
That's why Canada's killing us these days.
[Ringing continues]
Oh. Thank goodness you're home.
Someone called in sick at work and I got to cover their shift.
- Can you watch him? - Oh, I can't. I'm busy.
With what? You don't have a job.
I got a bunch of stuff to do around the house.
It's Bugs' house.
I promised my girlfriend I'd help her out.
I'm your girlfriend.
Well, then, I'll watch the baby.
Well, that one kind of backfired on me.
And if anything happens to him while I'm coming, I'll kill you.
I can take care of a baby. I used to be a baby...
I think. I don't really have any memories before the age of 15.
[Door close]
So, what's up, man?
Not much of a talker?
What are you into?
[Babbles and giggles]
You like jam bands? I used to be in a jam band.
- [Plays sour note] - Wait.
- [Playing sour notes] - Hold on.
Wait.
Closer, but...
wait.
Good jam, huh?
[Sniffles and crying]
Sounds like someone wants an encore.
[Crying]
[Playing sour notes] Wait. Hold on. Wait.
What's wrong, baby? You want something to eat? It's a Reuben.
No? You want something to drink?
[Fridge door open]
Milk? What am I, crazy? Babies don't like milk.
How about some clam juice? Here.
We gotta get rip of it, it about to expire.
[Crying continues]
You're not hungry. You're not thirsty. What's your problem?
[Sniffs]
That better be the clam juice.
[Crying]
Oh, before I ring you up, there is just one thing...
Here it comes.
Would you be interested in getting an extended warranty?
- And there it is. - Um...
Are you crazy? It's ink.
All replacement parts would be covered up to 40%.
You're not gonna need replacement parts. It's ink.
If the product gets damaged, we'll ship it back to the manufacturer for you.
It's not gonna get damaged. It's ink.
It's only an additional $15.
That's half the price of the ink.
I'll take it!
[Crying]
What's the matter with you?
Did you get a bunch of bad news before you came over here?
You're a bigger bummer than Porky.
[Whales singing]
[Baby coos]
NARRATOR [ON TV]: In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean...
Come on, guys! We're gonna be late for choir practice.
NARRATOR [ON TV]: Lives a pack of whales...
[Squeals]
NARRATOR [ON TV]: Trying to find their voice.
[Whales singing]
NARRATOR [ON TV]: Some trying a little harder than the rest.
[Scatting]
[Squeals]
You like that?
NARRATOR [ON TV]: "Marty The Whale" in theaters now.
Well, then, let's go to the movie!
[Squeals]
- [Explosions] - [Artillery approaching]
[Gunfire]
Aah!
[Screams]
Popcorn?
[Crying]
Shh!
[Wailing]
Sir, you're disturbing the other patrons.
I'm not doing anything. Talk to him. - [Crying]
Sir, please.
[Crying continue]
'Cause he's crying? That's his emotional response to the material.
You have to take your baby outside.
Fine. I've already seen it anyway.
Lieutenant graves doesn't make it!
MAN: Ohh! - He never sees Barbara again!
- [Crying] MAN: Oh, come on!
You ought to see somebody. You're seriously depressed.
Ugh. I know how you feel. You know what helped me?
Mommy and baby class. We're going to one now.
- You should come. - Anything to stop that crying.
- Uhh, your baby? - Huh?
[Crying]
Oh, right.
[Crying continues]
Are you sure you don't want me to carry your ink?
I'd hate for something to happen to it.
Oh, that's right! It doesn't matter if something happens to it.
You've got an ink warranty!
[Seatbelt click]
He made it sound so important.
You must think I'm a real jerk.
No. Daffy's a jerk. You're a bummer.
Right!
[Keys jangle]
[Whirs]
Battery's dead.
Look on the bright side if this ever happens to your ink, you're covered.
[Tow truck lifting]
So that'll be $89.
- You interested in joining The Tow Truck Club? - No.
For just $250 a month, you get 23 tows a year.
Who gets towed that much?!
What person is breaking down 20 times a year?!
If you sign up today, I'll throw in some free stickers for just $10.
Free $10 stickers?!
Gee, where do I sign up?
Right here. You can use the pen after me.
[Funk music playing]
♪ Do you like chocolates, baby? ♪
♪ Of course you do ♪
♪ Caviar? ♪
♪ You like this, too ♪
♪ I bring to you a rose but still, you hold your nose ♪
♪ I have a certain smell but you know I wear it well ♪
♪ I'm a skunk ♪
♪ You'll get used to it ♪
♪ Hear my song ♪
♪ Shake your caboose to it ♪
♪ Yummy, yummy in my tummy ♪ baby, let's share some cheese ♪
♪ Lovey, lovey missy, missy come here, baby, give me kissy, please ♪
♪ I'll always love and miss you ♪
♪ Skunk ♪
♪ I want to hug and kiss you ♪
♪ Funk ♪
♪ Knock, knock, who's there? Pepe le Pew ♪
♪ I'm on your balcony singing to you ♪
♪ You fill me with passion, my throat has a lump...
...but you say that I smell like a garbage dump *
♪ You seem to think I'm polluting the air...
...but I am like a fine camembert *
♪ Skunk ♪
♪ lovey dovey, baby sugar, honey bunny, take a chance ♪
♪ ooga-booga, ooga-booga-booga, ome on, let's dance ♪
♪ Skunk Funk ♪
♪ Can you smell that, baby? ♪
♪ Funk Skunk ♪
♪ It is getting funky in here ♪
♪ Funky Skunk ♪
♪ It is getting skunky in here ♪
♪ Funky, funky, skunky, skunky ♪
♪ Funky, skunky, skunky, funky ♪ [Door slam]
♪ Funk skunk ♪
♪ The itsy-bitsy spider
wenterent up the water spout * [Stammering]
- * Down came the rain * - * Down came the... *
[Babbling] * And washed the spider out *
♪ Out came the sun ♪
♪ And they walked him in the rain ♪
♪ And the guy went blah blah ♪
♪ To something else again ♪ ♪ Went up the spout again ♪
[Cheering]
Has anyone's baby reached a new milestone this week?
Charlie smiled at his daddy last night.
He really did! - [All talk at once]
Samantha rolled over for the first time.
[All talk at once]
What about your little guy?
Oh, uh, him? He, uh, learned how to ride a bike.
[Laughs] What?
Why? Is that bad? Is he slow?
[Laughter] - Slow!
Ha ha ha.
[Laughing]
[Laughing continue]
[Baby squeals]
[Laughs]
[Baby giggles]
[Blows raspberry]
[Giggles]
[All talking and cooing at once]
[Giggling]
Aww! [All talk at once]
[Giggles]
Bye, ladies. See you next week.
Janet, don't give up on sleep training.
I know it's hard, but it's worth it.
Marcia, I promise I'll get you the name of my pediatrician.
Keep bugging me about it, though. Mom brain.
[Laughs]
Keep up the great work, moms!
It's the hardest job we'll ever love.
These will be ready next Tuesday.
But the yard sale's this weekend.
I said next Tuesday.
[Door open]
[Cooing]
- What are you doing here? - Just out for a little stroll.
He tends to get a little fussy this time of day.
They call it the witching hour. You probably didn't know that.
His favorite pacie.
Wow. I'm impressed.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?
- My shift just ended. - Already?
Can't you work overtime or something? Swing shift?
Graveyard shift? I mean, you gotta put in the hours...
...if you're gonna break through that glass ceiling.
We're going to the park.
You forgot his schmoopie!
We have a compact car available...
...or for just an extra $49 a day we can upgrade you to a minivan.
- I'll take it. - Great. Let me get your key.
A minivan?! What are you, a soccer mom?!
What happened to all my money?
Appetizers, warranties, free stickers.
And don't forget, you're on the hook to The Tow Truck Club for 3 grand a year.
You're right. I fall for it every time.
[Stammers] No more upsells. I promise.
You're all set. Oh, I almost forgot.
Would you like insurance? It's just an additional $3.00 a day.
I don't know what kind of fool you take me for...
...but I'm not interested in your insurance.
Uh, Porky, I think you should get the insurance.
- It's an upsell. - No.
Artichoke poppers are an upsell. Insurance is practical.
- But what if... - Just get it.
It's hardly any money, and if anything happens, you're covered.
No insurance. Just the van.
Ow!
It's starting to bruise.
[Birds chirping]
[Children laughing]
[Coos]
He doesn't like it when you do that.
[Coos]
You're holding the bottle wrong.
That's not even the right nipple.
We switched to soy formula.
Just let me do it. - [Coos]
What is wrong with you?
I'll tell you what's wrong with me.
You think what you do is so important because you work.
Well, I work just as hard as you and I don't even get a paycheck.
You've never gotten a paycheck.
I'm so busy taking care of him...
...I can't even tell you the last time I took a shower.
You never shower.
Uh, that's because I care about the earth.
The point is raising a baby is hard work.
And it's twice as hard when you do it alone.
I'm just so tired!
You've known him for one day.
You don't even know the baby's name.
His name's not baby?
[Gasps]
Where's baby?
[Gasps]
Zachary!
Zachary? Baby's a better name than Zachary.
It is roomy, I'll give it that.
[Both screaming]
[All screaming]
[Tires squeals]
[Slow motion] Baby!
[Coos]
He doesn't like it when you do that.
[Radiator hissing]
I probably should have gotten the insurance.
[Birds chirping]
Thanks again for watching him.
- I wanna start a family with you. - What?
I finally realize what I was put on this earth to do.
Be a mother.
Or was it to open a frozen yogurt shop?
Yes. That is exactly what I was put on this earth to do.
I'll be known for my toppings.
No, no toppings. Just yogurt. The best yogurt.
That's what I'll be known for. With tons of flavors.
No! One flavor! With tons of toppings!
[Wind howling]
[Wind stops]
[Thud]
[Buzzer]
[Thud]
[Buzzer]
[Crackling]
[Fire roaring]
[Buzzer]
[Horn honking]
[Horn honks]
Beep beep!
[Buzzer]
- OK. So, just the pizza? - Yep.
That'll be 14.99.
You know... For just a couple of dollars more...
...I could throw in a 2-liter soda and some breadsticks.
Ehh...
Or for an even 20, you get the soda....
...you get the breadsticks, and you get the cinnamon breadsticks.
They're just like the regular breadsticks, but with cinnamon.
- Cinnamon, huh? - For the dessert.
All right. I'll take it.
[Bell dings]
Classic upsell.
[Chuckles]
Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com.
A WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
[Stammers] That all fo...
I shouldn't had thoses artichoke poppers?
BUGS: So, uh, did you have wonder how Speedy got his pizza place?
DAFFY: Not really. BUGS: I wasn't talking to you.
Well, it all started at a baseball game.
DAFFY: Then who are you talking to? BUGS: Just watch.
[Cheering and applause]
Strike one!
DAFFY: Oho!
You choked! You're the world's worst!
I'd watch it if I were you.
What? They love it! Hey, Rodriguez!
You have a stupid face!
Strike two!
Break out the aloe vera. This guy just got burned.
Daffy, come on.
I bet you're a terrible husband and father.
[Ball whizzes and hits glove]
Strike 3!
[Laughing]
[Fanfare]
[Thud]
- And he's out! - [Cheers]
Sync and correction by Mlmlte and jasonnguyen2606 www.addic7ed.com.
A WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606.
Season 1 Episode 17 "Sunday Night Slice".
- Which hospital are we going to? - We're not going to a hospital.
- We're going to Girardi's for pizza. - But what if I have a concussion?
You know what they say "starve a cold, feed a head injury."
PORKY: Besides, we go to Girardi's every Sunday. It's tradition.
Original Air Date: September 13, 2011 on Cartoon Network.
BUGS: Closed?
Ahh. If it isn't my favorite customers,
Bugs, Porky, and uh... This guy.
I'm so glad I got to see you before we left.
- Where you going? - Back to Italy.
Mrs. Girardi and I, we made out a fortune. It's time to retire.
- Aw, that's nice. - Nice?
It's terrible! We love this place.
Aww, isn't that sweet.
I'll miss making you those carrot pizzas.
Arrivederci, Bugs.
Arrivederci, Porky.
See you later, buddy.
Mwah.
Now what are we gonna do?
[Guitar music playing]
- It's no Girardi's. - You're too sentimental.
Mmm. This stuff's delicious.
WOMAN: Here's some more pork ribs.
You know, I find that highly offensive.
Why? You eat pepperoni pizza.
- So? - Pepperoni?
Uh, what?
Mmm.
[Grunts]
We need our old hangout back.
But Mr. Girardi's selling the restaurant.
Then I'll buy it.
Pffft! That's brilliant! I've always wanted to own a restaurant.
You wouldn't own it. I would.
Hmm.
You could work there.
[Scoffs]
- I don't do menial labor. - No, of course not.
I was thinking you would be commander-in-chief of pizza operations.
Commander-in-chief of pizza operations.
I'll require a uniform with plenty of medals.
Bugs, as your friend, I think buying Girardi's is a great idea.
Then it's settled. I'm buying Girardi's pizza.
But as your financial advisor, I must warn you that 9 out of 10 restaurants fail in the first year.
You wanna keep coming here on Sunday nights?
WOMAN: Here's your pulled pork sandwich.
DAFFY: Mmm.
Buy the restaurant.
[Bell jangles]
I'm here to apply for the job.
Oh, great. Take a seat.
No. I mean sit down.
Oh, right.
Do you have any waiting experience?
I wait for the bus every day.
Have you ever waited tables?
Why would I wait for a table?
We're asking the questions here.
- Why do you want this job? - I like pizza.
That's not good enough. When you're in the weeds, and the pizzas are flying...
...and you're covered in tomato sauce and you don't know if it's yours...
...or your buddy's, "I like pizza" will not cut it.
"I like pizza" just might get you killed.
- Any questions? - I thought you were asking the questions.
Son, I like your moxie. When can you start?
I'm dependable, hardworking, and a team player.
DAFFY: How would you handle a robbery?
- Pardon? - Hypothetically.
[Chair scatting]
You're working late, alone.
Suddenly, a masked intruder bursts in the door and shouts,
"This is a robbery." What do you do?
Let's just say "I would" handle the problem."
Excuse me. I'm about to get a phone call.
[Chair scatting]
[Bell dings]
Well, your resume seems fine, but I don't see any references.
This is a robbery!
You're hired.
[Sizzling]
SPEEDY: Where's all the mozzarella?
Oh, sorry, Speedy, I used it all. I'm making pizza.
Ever heard of delivery?
I'm practicing. I bought Girardi's.
You bought a restaurant? Why because it's your dream?
Because you wannabe able to make something with your own two hands...
...that gives so much pleasure to so many?
Or because you want to be surrounded by all this cheese?
No, because I want a place to hang out on Sunday nights.
Hang out? You want a place to hang out convert your garage.
Don't buy a restaurant.
- Have you ever owned a restaurant? - Nope.
- But you worked in a restaurant. - Never.
Well, surely, you've done a lot of research about being a restaurant tour.
Uh, not really.
Well, don't worry. You'll be ok, as long as you have a capable staff.
Which eye patch do you like better?
This one? Or this one?
Or both of them?
Oof! [Crashes]
Hope you got a backup plan.
We open the doors in 5 minutes. Porky will be cashier...
...you and I will be out front dealing with the customers...
...and you two will be back here making pizza.
- Any questions? - How do you make pizza?
[Sighs]
You just roll the dough...
Toss the dough...
Spread the sauce, sprinkle the cheese, and voila.
- Got all that? - Huh?
Oh, sorry. I was writing down a dream I had last night.
You were in it. You were not in it.
You were in it, but when you talked, you had a woman's voice.
Ooh! Did I sound pretty?
- What do you think you're doing? - Making pizza.
Not anymore. I outrank you. Step aside.
Ooh!
May I take your order?
Yeah. We'll have a large pizza, half mushroom, half pepperoni.
And on the mushroom half. Can we get extra sauce and on the pepperoni half?
Can we go light on the cheese?
You got it.
Do you need to write any of this down?
It's all up here.
- What's the order? - I think "pizza."
[Dings]
Table 4 still hasn't gotten their pizza. What's going on back here?
- We're out of pizza dough. - What?
LEZAH: Where is my pizza? PETE: You asked for cheese, I brought you cheese.
- What do we do? - We improvise!
Cut those cardboard boxes into the shape of pizzas!
I deserve another medal for this.
[Both talk at once]
What seems to be the problem?
I ordered a cheese pizza and he gave me a cup of cheese and an I.O.U.
We're having some problems with the crust. I'll take care of it.
[Register dings]
Ooh! I like the sound of that.
Here's your refund.
Oh. Don't like the sound of that.
DAFFY: Why didn't you tell me that cardboard was flammable?
You're drunk with power.
[Yelps]
GRANNY: Excuse me.
I said, excuse me.
I know. The pizza's awful. I'll take care of it.
I was just going to ask for a napkin.
But the pizza is terrible.
DAFFY: Insubordination!
[Both scream]
[Grunts]
I gave you a direct order!
You're not fit to lead!
[Both grunt]
BOTH: He started it!
Are you all done with your pizza?
We never got our pizza.
Thanks for coming! Tell your friends.
OK. Who's up for Chinese?
All: I am!
Hunan palace, hunan palace, hunan palace.
Party of 3? Right this way.
[Groans]
Do you want the good news or the bad news?
- Give me the bad news. - The restaurant's a disaster.
At this rate, you'll be broke in a week.
What's the good news?
Hunan palace sent you a gift basket.
Ooh! Real Italian pepperoni.
[Grunting]
What?
♪ Behold the wizard ♪
♪ Beware his powers ♪
♪ Unspeakable powers ♪
♪ Under the gaze of the necromancer ♪
♪ Silver staircase starts to rise ♪
♪ People stand on it and marvel ♪
♪ At the power shooting from his eyes ♪
♪ Cold food becomes
♪ Hot again ♪
♪ When his spell unfolds ♪
♪ With a mere wave of his hand
♪ This hot dog will explode ♪
♪ In the presence of the wizard ♪
♪ Traffic will stop at his whim ♪
♪ He can cross the street no problem ♪
♪ As the cars bow down In front of him ♪
♪ Channels on the TV change ♪
♪ He's still in his chair ♪
♪ Then he pulls his magic wand...
...and reclines in the air ♪
DAFFY: By the dim light of The Dream Realm's Black Sun...
...the wizard climbs the Frozen Waterfall of Voldrini in search of Celestia...
...The Guardian of Infinite Power...
When suddenly, a terrible Garlon appears and attacks with ice!
But the wizard is undeterred.
The Garlon roars and unleashes a most sinister wind.
But the wizard is undeterred.
The garlon summons the Stones of Prophynia.
But the wizard is undeterred.
Calling upon the Powers of the Ancients...
...the wizard conjures a sacred fire and casts his foe into the molten maw...
...of an insatiable Gort.
Thanks, Gort.
Ahh, Celestia.
I think you're going to enjoy this.
The wizard stands on the Precipice of Ultimate Power.
The gates open to reveal...
Ooh! How long was I asleep?
3 days. You have a bed, you know.
I'm starving. I gotta get something to eat.
♪ Famished from his latest quest ♪
♪ The wizard seeks a snack ♪
♪ He sets sail for ecstasy ♪
♪ At the Quesadilla Shack ♪
♪ He is the wizard ♪
♪ The Mystical Wizard ♪
What was I thinking? I don't know how to run a restaurant.
Girardi's needs a miracle, fast.
- Hey, Speedy? - Que Paso?
I have a favor to ask you.
Yesterday was a little shaky.
We lost a lot of customers and we lost a lot of morale.
But we're gonna turn it around today.
ALL: Yeah!
Because we're not in the loser business. We're in the pizza business.
DAFFY: Oh, yeah! PETE: Pizza!
And like pizza dough, we'll rise to the occasion.
ALL: Yeah!
We're gonna work fast. We're gonna work smart.
And we're gonna put each of you in a position...
...where it will be impossible for you to fail.
- Now, who's with me? ALL: We are!
Then get in this pantry!
What are we supposed to do in here?
BUGS: You're doing it!
[Eyes blinks]
I think that went pretty well.
Welcome to Girardi's. May I take your order?
There's so many choices. What would you recommend?
You? You look feisty...
...like a beautiful tiger waiting to pounce.
- You need a cheese with some bite. - Ooh?
[Whisper] Asagio. And you,
You have a wisdom about you, a wisdom that whispers,
[Whisper] "mushrooms."
Enjoy!
[Indistinct talking]
Turns out the secret to a successful restaurant. A mouse.
Tell that to the health department.
[Bugs laughs]
DAFFY: Hello?
[Lock clicks] DAFFY: Hello?
Hello? Hello?
Want the good news or the bad news?
- The good news. - Girardi's pizza is a hit.
Looks like you're gonna be busy running a restaurant for years to come.
What's the matter?
I didn't wannabe busy owning a restaurant.
I didn't wannabe busy doing anything.
I just wanted a place to hang out.
So what's the bad news?
This whole time I've been eating pepperoni...
...I've been eating me!
[Sobs]
[Grunting]
- Speedy. - Ai!
You know, there's such a thing as knocking.
C'mon. I wanna show you something.
SPEEDY: What are we doing here?
Remember when you asked if it was my dream to own a restaurant?
- Yes. - Well, it's not.
But I had a hunch it might be yours.
Pizzarriba!
Senor Bunny! I don't know what to say.
Just say you'll hold a table for us on Sunday nights.
[Hissing]
[Crash]
[Hissing]
[Wind howls] [Air hisses]
[Bell dinging]
[Squealing]
[Wind howling]
[Indistinct talking]
Now, this is more like it. Hanging out at Girardi's.
- I mean Pizzarriba. - Carrot for you.
And plain cheese for you.
It's not easy being a pig.
[Chews]
- Where's Daffy? - Speedy put him in charge of deliveries.
[Rumbling]
- What's the address? - 816 Beach St.
[Whirring and beeping]
- What's the order? - One large pepperoni pizza.
Deliver the pizza.
[Woman screams]
Roll out!
[Rumbling]
Sync and correction by Mlmlte and jasonnguyen2606 www.addic7ed.com.
A WEB-DL synchronize and correction by jasonnguyen2606
[WB shield open]
Hasta luego, amigos!
Come on. We gonna be late for the movie.
What are you wearing?
I don't know about you, but I'm getting a student discount.
You're driving? You always drive. Let me drive.
BUGS: I'm not going in that thing.
It's not a "thing". It's a parade float.
It'll take us 18 hours to find a parking spot.
- I'm driving. - You think you get to make all the decisions?
- What are you, the man in the relationship? - We're not in a relationship.
Well, guess what? I'm a man, too. And today...
...this man is going to drive you to the movies and buy your ticket.
So you can just leave your wallet and keys here...
...because this man is wearing the pants today.
Oops, almost forgot my purse.
Come on, you big lug!
Reupload and correction by jasonnguyen2606 www.addic7ed.com.
Season 1 Episode 18 "DMV".
Original Air Date: September 20, 2011 on Cartoon Network.
- You're really gonna buy my movie ticket? - Of course!
- Here, put these on. - Is this a diaper?
Babies get in free.
Tch.
[Woman screams]
Daffy! That was a stop sign.
[Siren]
Relax. I have a way with cops.
Oh, hello, officer jerk face!
I didn't recognize you away from the donut shop.
I guess you can't catch real criminals,
...so instend your just harash innocent citizent.
What a waste of my tax dollar!
Can I see your driver's license?
- My what? - Just give him your driver's license.
What's a driver's license?
You don't have a driver's license?!
Sir, you're not allowed to operate a vehicle without a driver's license.
Please step out of the car, I'm gonna have it towed.
Towed?!
But I'm just an innocent schoolgirl and this is my baby brother.
Put on the diaper!
You can get your vehicle back when you get a driver's license.
[Engine starts and grind]
They're gonna scratch it!
[Groaning]
Aaah!
What a man.
[Cell phone rings]
- Hey, Lola. LOLA: Hey, Bugs!
- What you doin'? - Standing on the side of the road.
Fun. Oh, my gosh. You're never gonna believe this.
There is a guy standing on the side of the road...
...who looks just like you. I'm about to hit him.
- [Gasps] - [Tires squealing]
You look just like my boyfriend!
You poor thing.
I can't believe Daffy was driving without a driver's license.
That is so irresponsible. - [Gasps]
[Tires squealing]
Lola!
[Siren]
That was a red light.
[Tires squealing]
Ooh, I can't go to jail! I'm too pretty! I won't last a day!
Oh, I'll... I'll lift weights. I'll get really muscular.
[In deep voice]: My voice will get really deep. I'll run the place.
- Hi, officer. - Can I see your driver's license?
[Normal voice] Absolutely. Just one second.
Hold on. Let me see here.
Oh, here we go. Oh, no, wait. That's my credit card.
[Clicks pen]
Here we go. Oh, nope.
That's a recipe for salmon balls. They're really good.
Here it is. Oh, no, that's my frozen yogurt frequent muncher card.
Two more and I get a free waffle cone, ooh.
Oh, here it is. It was hiding.
Oh, no, wait. That's a picture of Bugs. Isn't he cute?
Here it is. Wait, that's a basketball card.
Manu ginobii. I love manu ginobii.
Oh, here it is. Oops, fortune cookie fortune.
"You will receive an unexpected letter from a friend".
How does the cookie know that? That's crazy.
- I'm sorry, what did you want? - Your driver's license.
Oh, yeah, I don't have one of those.
This is stupid.
Sorry, I've just gotta talk to my wife real quick in personal matter.
Daffy Duck. Give me a driver's license.
Well, you need to take a test.
A test?! What is this, Communist Russia?!
Next you're gonna tell me I need to take a test to breathe or to practice law?!
- Finished. - You can take the test right over there.
I thought that was the test.
That was the application to take the test.
What?! Those questions were impossible.
Address, date of birth. Who has that stuff memorized?
I don't know what to put for gender.
- Here's a study guide. - I don't need your propaganda!
Well, maybe I'll just skim it.
Thank goodness you were here. That was a really hard test.
That's the application. You take the test over there.
- Would you like a study guide? - Yeah, I think I'm good.
She'll take the study guide.
What is the speed limit in a residential area?
When are roads the most slippery?
Who is allowed to park in a handicapped spot?
This is even harder than the application!
- No talking. - Ronald Regan was right.
LOLA: Hmm. Mm-hmm. OK, interesting.
OK, makes sense. Oh, that's a good rule.
Yep, got it. OK, I'm ready to take the test.
You, uh, read that awfully fast. You sure?
Uh, does a red light mean go?
I failed?! How did I fail?
Well, you marked "C" for every answer.
Do you know who I am?
I'm Daffy Duck! D. Duck!
What do you think the "D" in DMV stands for?
It stands for "Department".
Well, that's my middle name. Daffy Department Duck.
Sir, you can take the test again. You get two chances.
Good to see my name still carries a little weight around here.
Lola? What are you doing here?
Oh, I don't have a driver's license.
Hmph, irresponsible.
You can't cross two double yellow lines?
Huh. I didn't know that.
[Cell phone rings]
Hello?
LOLA: Are you allowed to drive in a bike lane?
BUGS: Lola, you can't call me, you're taking a test.
- Just yes or no. - I'm not helping you cheat.
[Beep]
[Cell phone rings]
I said I'm not helping you cheat!
DAFFY: Are you allowed to park in a handicapped space?
- Daffy?! - Yes or no!
It's a simple hard question.
No! Of course you're not allowed to park in a handicapped space!
What is this, Communist Russia?
[Cell phone rings]
- Hello? - Hey, Pork.
- Oh, hi, Bugs. - What are you doing?
Oh, uh, just...
- ...picking up my dry cleaning. MAN: Would you like fries with that?
PORKY: [Laughs] Why would I want fries with my dry cleaning?
- Yes, jumbo fries. - Could you give me a ride?
- I'm stuck at the DMV. - Sure.
Uh, just one thing. You have your driver's license, right?
- Of course I do. BUGS: Great.
MAN: Are you gonna want any ketchup with your fries?
[Beep]
[Sighs]
[Dialing]
[Cell phone rings]
- Hello? BUGS: Where are you?
Oh, sorry. They messed up my order.
Uh, I mean the dry cleaning. Oh, there you are.
What are you doing at the DMV?
[Siren]
[Engine idling]
[Chewing]
Driver's license.
[Chew and swallow]
What'd I do? I've never been pulled over for anything!
I follow the rules of the road. Safety first.
You can't talk on a cell phone while driving without a hand's-free device.
- Since when? - July 1st.
Ahh! I voted for that.
Also, I'm gonna need you to step out of the vehicle.
- Why? - Your license is expired.
Aah!
PORKY: Oh, I know that one. Oh, that's an easy one.
Who wouldn't know that one?
And... Done.
Ooh!
- Daffy?! - Oh, hey, Porky.
- What are you doing here? - My driver's license expired.
So irresponsible.
Hello again. I think you'll really enjoy grading this.
You passed. You... you got a perfect score.
That's because I'm passionate about the material.
Now give me my license.
That was the written test. You still need to pass the driver's test.
Driver's test?! How am I gonna cheat on a driver's test?
I'm sorry, you failed.
What?! That's impossible.
I read the rules of the road before bed.
You get to take it one more time.
Maybe this time, don't answer "B" for every question.
[Groans]
[Dialing]
[Line ringing]
SPEEDY: Bueno. This is Speedy.
BUGS: Hey, Speedy, it's Bugs.
Let me ask you something. Do you have a valid driver's license?
SAM: Next!
I didn't know you worked here.
Eh, double dip recession. Gotta get them multiple revenue screams.
You know, we could probably make this a lot easier on both of us...
...if you just wanted to pass me right now, you know, seeing that we're neighbors and all.
Son, you're barking up the wrong tree.
I take my job very seriously.
And I gotta warn ya. I'm a real stickler.
If you make one, just one itsy bitsy mistake...
...you're gonna fail.
[Cracking]
Ooh. Ahh.
You don't happen to have a phone book I could sit on, do you?
That's right, that's right.
These are all right. I have to pass.
- Lola?! - Oh, hi, Porky.
- What are you doing here? - [Sighs] My driver's license expired.
Mmmmm. You and Daffy. So irresponsible.
Hi, sorry that took so long. I'm a little nervous.
I'm not a really good test taker. I'm more of a test giver...
...or a test watcher. Or a taste tester.
You passed. Perfect score.
Oh, my gosh, I did?! I'm a really good test taker.
You failed again.
What?! What's happening? Let me take another one.
I'm sorry, sir. You only get two chances.
Did I at least come close?
Turn left at the next intersection.
[Horns honking, tires squealing]
- How'd that go? - Great.
[Tires squealing]
[Horn honking]
[Engine revs]
- How am I supposed to get in that? - Get in it?
All you asked was if I had a valid driver's license...
...to meet you at the DMV. You wanted a ride?
I'm not a taxi driver, man. I'm in the middle of a lunch rush!
[Tires squealing]
Ayy!
[Tires squealing]
[Shouts in Spanish]
[Breathing heavily]
Ayy. Gringos.
[Tires squealing]
SAM: So are we parallel parked? - Mmhmm.
SAM: This driver's test is graded on a scale of one to a hundred.
And considering the type of driving you just did.
What grade would you give yourself? - Hundred.
SAM: I get that one a lot.
Ohh, this is embarrassing.
- Next! - Hi!
Cool your jets, blondie. I'm a real stickler.
[Clicks seatbelt] [Car door open and close]
[Clicks seatbelt]
You look familiar.
"Yose-Mite".
- It's Yosemite. - Oh, like the National Park!
You know, I was named after a National Park.
Oh, no, wait. Sorry. I wasn't named after a National Park. I was named after my grandmother.
Oh, no, wait, my grandmother's name is Betty, not Lola.
Wait, there's a National Park named Betty?
- Can you just take a right? - A right?!
[Scoffs] Yose-Mite, I just got a perfect score on my written test.
I think I can do a little more than take a right.
[Tires squealing]
- [Horn honking] - [All screaming]
Huh?!
[Birds squawking]
[Train horn honking]
[Tires squealing]
[Boat horn honks]
[Tires squealing]
[Siren]
Did I pass?
Hello?!
Yeah, I passed.
Oh, now I know why you look familiar. You're Bugs' neighbor!
He told me so much about you. He's not a fan.
I can't believe they named a National Park after that guy.
[Groans]
[Vehicle approaching]
I'm not gonna kill you.
- You get your license? - I failed.
Twice!
So you'll take the test again next week.
[Stammers] No way. I'm done driving.
The only people who deserve a driver's license are responsible, law-abiding citizens...
...who know the rules of the road.
Oww! Licensed driver, comin' through!
Whoo! Outta my way! Licensed driver, 100%!
Well, there's an exception to every rule.
I've got my driver's license! Whoo-hoo!
- Maybe two exceptions. - Look, bun bun!
I'm an organ donor. Are you an organ donor? You wanna give each other our organs?
- Ehh... - Well, we can decide later.
You ready to go? Be my first passenger as a licensed driver?
Thanks, but I have to drive Porky home.
He didn't pass.
Oh, stay strong. You'll get through this.
I know, I've been there. But I'm not there anymore. Whoo-hoo! Driver's license!
How do you get out of this place? Here we go!
PORKY: Bugs!
[Siren]
- What did I do?! - You can't cross two double yellow lines.
Ohh! I just read that!
[Siren]
- Hello again. - Driver's license.
Sure thing.
Leave your wallet at home.
[Sighs]
I left my wallet at home.
[Pen clicks]
[Engine starts]
Ehh, I'm just gonna walk.
[Tires squealing]
[Whoosh]
Beep beep!
[Tires squealing]
Beep beep!
[Beeping]
[Beep]
[Sizzling]
[Bell ringing]
[Beeping]
[Honking]
[Beeping]
[Bell ringing]
[Beeping]
[Siren]
[Siren and honk]
Beep beep!
One ticket. I'm a student.
Sir, please.
DAFFY: Goo goo, ga ga.
I'm a baby and I wanna see a movie for free.
Get your hands off me! I'm a licensed driver!
Do you have any idea who you're dealing with?!
I'm a licensed driver! I have a license!
Reupload and correction by jasonnguyen2606 www.addic7ed.com.
That's all folks
The only thing better than a third cup of coffee?
A full cup of coffee.
- Come on, we're gonna be late! - Late for what?
- To meet Steve St. James. - Who?
Steve St. James! He was the off duty cop on the hit show Off Duty Cop.
That old TV show about the detective and his butler?
- Chauffeur. - Why would a detective have a chauffeur?
Because he was Steve St. James...
...the detective who couldn't let justice sleep just because he was off duty...
...so he had a chauffeur drive him around to make justice not sleep.
I need another cup of coffee.
Come on, he's making an appearance at the mall.
I can't. I got a doctor's appointment.
What's wrong with you?
Nothing. It's my yearly physical. When was the last time you got one?
Never. I've never been to the doctor. I'm the picture of health.
[Coughing]
[Coughing continues]
[Back cracks] Ahh! My hip.
Ooh! Ooh! What is that shooting pain?
[Sighs] Numbness. Tingling. Cramping.
[Thud] [Slurps]
Sync and correction by Mlmlte and AnnetteC www.addic7ed.com.
Reupload and correction by jasonnguyen2606.
Season 1 Episode 19 "Off Duty Cop".
Original Air Date: October 24, 2011 on Cartoon Network.
PORKY: Thanks for inviting me, Daffy.
Isn't it funny how you're always available? No matter how last second...
...you never have other plans. Like you don't really have a life.
Heh heh heh. Yeah, that is funny.
Now, who's Steve St. James?
Steve St. James. "Off Duty Cop."
Give me your phone.
- When are you gonna get a phone? - Never.
Cell phones are like doctors. The calling plans are confusing, the buttons are too small.
- But... Huh? - Just watch this.
PORKY: Oh, is this the old show about the detective and his butler?
DAFFY: Ugh. Chauffeur.
PORKY: OK, I get it. I don't need to see anymore.
DAFFY: You're missing it.
Yeah, give it to him, Steve.
PORKY: Does he headhunt everyone he meets?
DAFFY: Shush.
PORKY: How long are these opening credits?
Daffy, I get it. Give me my phone.
So to answer your question, that's Steve St. James.
[Sputters]
[Gasps]
Steve St. James!
Wow! I'm your biggest fan!
Well, thank you very much.
Would you like a signed copy of my book?
Nah, books are like cell phones and doctors...
Takes forever to get an appointment and I don't have insurance.
- Will you sign my beak? - Ugh.
I can't see it. Sign his face.
"Leslie Hunt"? Who's she?
- I'm Leslie Hunt. - You're Steve St. James.
No, Steve St. James is a character that I played on TV.
- I'm Leslie Hunt. - Who?
I thought you said you were my biggest fan.
I'm Steve St. James' biggest fan and you're no Steve St. James.
That's what I said.
Ugh. I need a cup of coffee.
Well, if he's not gonna be Steve St. James, then I will.
[Gasp] Daffy, that's stealing.
You'd make a great chauffeur.
Ahh.
[Slurps, hums]
- Hello. Don't say it. - What's up, doc?
He said it.
Are you OK? You seem a little jittery.
Jittery? I'm not jittery. If anyone's jittery, you're jittery. I'm not jittery.
[Slurps]
Ahh. So, do I have a clean bill of health?
- Everything looks fine. - Great. See you next year.
Whoa. There is just one thing.
[Gasps]
I knew it! I knew you were hiding something.
How long do I have? A year? A month? A day?
Am I contagious? If I'm contagious, then those people need to know.
You owe it to them!
I'm highly contagious!
Run for your lives!
[People shouting]
Why didn't you tell me sooner?
What kind of a doctor are you?
You're probably not even a real doctor.
Syracuse?
That's a basketball school.
I was just gonna say that I think you should stop drinking coffee for a while.
You have too much caffeine in your system.
It's what's making you so tense.
Oh. Cut out coffee. No problem.
Ahem. You could probably just tape this.
[Yawns]
Oh, right. No caffeine.
[Doorbell rings]
I'm sorry to bother you, but can I just have 30 seconds of your time...
...to tell you about a product that could change your life?
[Doorbell rings]
[Knock on door]
Sam.
This product differs from other similar products...
- ...because of it's unique ingredients. - I'm not interested.
It's like coffee, but without the caffeine.
- What's like coffee? - Spargle.
While coffee leaves you feeling jittery, Spargle will leave you feeling rested and alert.
- When did you get into this racket? - I needed money quick.
They said they were gonna take my house. I mean, I believe in the product.
[Slurps]
- Tastes weird. - Those are the Spargle berries.
Wow. Could this be working already?
I don't know. You won't catch me drinking that stuff.
- I'll take them. - How many?
BUGS: All of them. - Cha-ching.
I mean, it'll change your life.
[Stammering] Where are we going, Daffy?
I'm no longer, Daffy. I'm Steve St. James, Off Duty Cop.
And we're going wherever justice is sleeping...
...and needs to be woken up by me, Steve St. James, Off Duty Cop.
So I just keep going straight?
Pull over.
No, park illegally.
More illegally. Like you don't have time to play by the rules.
[Sighs]
DAFFY: Ahem. Aren't you forgetting something?
Oh, sorry.
- Will you marry me? DAFFY: Freeze.
- But he was... - I know what he was doing.
He was stealing your ring and beautifully placing it in this elegant box.
- No, I was... - Assaulting her.
And that's a code 9.
I'm might be off duty, but I'm not off my game.
Looks like your meter's expired.
Call me if you have anymore trouble, ma'am.
Day or night. Well, never before 11am.
And don't call after 5:00. And also...
...when you call, it'll be my roommate's voice on the answering machine.
I don't know how to change it. Also, I don't know how to access messages.
So just keep calling. Anytime. Day or night.
Between 11:00 and 5:00. And not on weekends.
[Theme music playing]
[Music stops]
[Fast forward]
[New theme music starts]
[Laughter]
[Engine grinds]
[Engine starts]
[Slurping]
I have so much energy. What to do? What to do? What to do?
It's early, but I guess I could make dinner.
Ha ha!
[Gulping]
[Ding]
[Gulping]
Hmm. Now what?
Oh, there's that book I always wanted to write.
The end.
[Gulps]
June. I don't think that's too early to put up Christmas decorations.
[Slurps]
[Can crushing]
[Door open]
[Christmas music playing]
Merry Christmas!
[Whoosh and door shut]
Well, I say that was a solid day's work.
Wherever justice tried to sleep, we were there to wake it up.
Good work, chauffeur.
Are you sure the chauffeur doesn't have a name?
Nope, just chauffeur.
Why is your house covered in Christmas decorations?
Isn't it always like that?
[Door open and close]
Oh, hi. Hey. I hope you don't mind, I did a few things around the house.
I painted the garage, I resurfaced the swimming pool.
Oh, and I moved everything that was in your room into the kitchen.
But if you don't like, I can move it back, no problem.
I just have 3 hours left on the treadmill.
But after that, I definitely can move your stuff back into your bedroom.
Unless you want me to move it into the garage. I just painted it.
- Are you OK? - Never better.
Never, ever, ever better.
Are you guys itchy?
Huh. I like it. Closer to the fridge.
So you're saying the chauffeur was in every episode...
...and they never give him a name?
I'll prove it to you.
St. James, have your chauffeur bring the car around?
He's a human being, chief.
He has a name. Brandon Steel.
Use it. I do.
Every time I address him.
Oh, Brandon. Thank goodness you're here.
Hmm. That was a stupid episode.
Have you guys seen any Spargles that still have Spargle in them?
I'm all out of Spargle and I need some Spargle. You know what I mean?
- What is wrong with you? - Nothing.
There's nothing wrong with me.
I gotta get more Spargle.
Hee hee hee! [Door open and close]
[Grunts]
Something tells me justice is about to get a wake-up call.
BUGS: Where's the Spargle? He's gotta have it somewhere. Where is it?
I think it's here somewhere. Where the Spargle? Where is it?
[Gasps]
What in tarnation are you doing in my house?
Oh, uh, I was just, uh, I figured I'd stop by.
I saw the window was unlocked. It seemed like a great time to come over and hang out.
I thought I was the only one who broke into people's houses to hang out.
Say, you know what goes well with hanging out? Spargle.
Do you have anymore Spargle? I could really go for some Spargle.
Don't got no more. You bought it all.
What?! But I really need it.
I said I don't got no more.
Well, you gotta hook it up.
SAM: I guess I could take you to my supplier.
BUGS: Let's go now! SAM: Fine. Let me throw on some jeans.
I said now.
I always knew Bugs was a criminal.
Chauffeur, looks like we're going for a little drive.
Hello, darlin'. You probably know me.
I'm a Spargle sales representative.
We have a lot of sales representatives.
Heh heh heh.
Yeah, well, I bet you don't have a lot that sell a month's supply in one day.
- See that guy over there? - The one talking to that plant?
I moved one of the bedrooms into the kitchen...
...but I think it would look better in the garage. I just painted it.
Well, thanks to him, your company's about to get rich.
And so am I, 'cause I get 4 cents on very can.
[Laugh] [Crash]
Freeze! You're all under arrest.
Daffy, do not blow this deal.
My name is Steve St. James...
...and you're coming with me.
I'm not going anywhere without my Spargle.
Aah!
[Theme music playing]
Hey!
Whoa!
[Cat meows]
[Stapler clicks]
Uhh! Uhn.
BUGS: I just want my Spargle.
- Put down the pen! - Put down the stapler...
...or I'll write all over the pig's face!
Why does everyone want to write on my face?
- Just give my Spargle. - Put down the pen!
It's permanent ink!
- I said give me my Spargle. - Put it down!
- Permanent! - I'm not leaving here...
...until you give me my Spargle!
- I said put it down! - It won't come off!
[Whistles]
This is a place of business.
These are hard-working people who simply want to sell a quality product.
What in tarnation is illegal about that?
You're all under arrest.
[All shouting]
What's going on here?
This whole operation's a scam.
These things are filled with dangerous, highly-addictive chemicals.
How about but what about the Spargle berries?
[Sobbing]
Somebody get that guy to a doctor.
Am I under arrest? I'm just an innocent sales representative.
That all depends. Did you know you were selling a dangerous product?
Thanks for helping out. I'll take it from here.
Who are you?
Steve St. James, Off Duty Cop.
Arrest this one, too.
- What did I do? - You've been impersonating a cop...
...and handcuffing people all over town.
What about him? He's been impersonating a chauffeur.
That's not illegal. It's pathetic, but it's not illegal.
Get this guy out of my face.
I'm putting you down as a witness, so I'm gonna need your name, too.
Brandon Steel.
I'm just gonna put chauffeur.
[Sighs]
[Rattling]
[Thud]
[Beep]
[Ding]
[Classical music playing]
[Ding]
Beep beep.
[Thud]
[Ding]
Beep beep.
[Sighs]
Well, the doctor says one cup off coffee a day can't hurt.
DAFFY: Ahem.
Do you mind?
Sync and correction by Mlmlte and AnnetteC www.addic7ed.com.
Reupload and correction by jasonnguyen2606
That's all folks